Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
