They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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