apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
