I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
