hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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