I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
