my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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