Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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