my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
