my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
