omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
