dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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