I bet he comes in French.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
