my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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