We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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