Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
