I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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