did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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