if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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