I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
