He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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