Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
