the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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