if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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