There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
