Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
