Where is the hickey?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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