My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
