i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
