I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
