his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am available for nakedness
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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