His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
