My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
