But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
