I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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