its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The maid of honor just puked.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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