i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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