i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
