I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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