i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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