Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
