I think my fart just growled at me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
A bitchslap is in order.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
