I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
