Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
