Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
