Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
