Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
