Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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