Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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