I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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