Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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