my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
