I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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