happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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