I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
