Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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