You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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