The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
