I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
