I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
