I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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