My underwear smells like fireworks.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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