Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
