I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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