come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize